


real men

by cahmahn



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Dysphoria, Trans Character, Trans Dave Strider, Trans Male Character, i cant tag for shit idk, ooc probably lmao, projection asf, sad shit man, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28277022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cahmahn/pseuds/cahmahn
Summary: “ Real men don't need other people, andReal men suck it inReal men don't flinch or bleed in publicOh, I think I'm a real man “||dave ripped the shades off of his face, vision already blurred from the tears stuck in his eyelashes.||self indulgent fic because i feel dysphoric and i’m listening to real men by mitski.
Kudos: 6





	real men

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: this mentions self harm and an abusive home life. it isn’t major, but if this makes you uncomfortable please do not read this. there’s also extreme mentions of dysphoria and general just. angst.

dave ripped the shades off of his face, vision already blurred from the tears stuck in his eyelashes. it was just him anyways, what was the point of leaving them on?

he knew why.

everyday it just got worse, he couldn’t... TELL anyone about it. he tried and everyone always played it off as a joke. god, HE played it off as a joke. the blonde looked up to his parental figure, in a sick way.

bro was everything he wanted to be.

facial hair, sharp jawline, a strong figure that would make even the biggest mouse shake. dave envied that. but no, he had to be stuck in this... tiny, weak frame! it wasn’t him, he KNEW it wasn’t him... but who else could it be, if not him? maybe that’s why he wore the shades so much. it blurred out everything he didn’t want to be; everything he hated so much.

snapped back to reality by a sharp pain in his side, dave let out a weak and broken sob. it wasn’t a manly thing to cry; even in the comfort of his own room.

all he could do was rub at his eyes and hope it went away. the urge to throw up, to break everything, to free himself of everything that he’s dealing with; but a man wouldn’t do that... right? a man would tough it through.

he knew bandages weren’t safe after hours of research. but what else could dave do? he couldn’t ask for help and he know he wouldn’t.

why was everything suddenly hurting? it wasn’t normal, it wasn’t GOOD. he should be able to tough it out. it felt like a card tower; one wrong move and everything came crashing down. that goddamn puppet was the last straw.

dave was so acutely aware of the stars recently etched into his thighs, how uncomfortable the jeans felt rubbing against them; how badly he wished he could toughen up and get through it. it wasn’t that hard, being a man, was it? he wasn’t even a real man. a real man would be so distraught like he was at that moment.

soon enough dave was cupping his hands over his mouth, damp with his heaving, and shaking on his bed. shades long forgotten the blonde kept his eyes shut like a vault.

what would john do if he saw dave like this? what would he say? how pathetic he looked, sitting there, pretending to be a man that he could never be? it was disgusting.

he was a freak, that’s what he was! a fucking freak, why couldn’t he be normal? and even if he couldn’t do that; why couldn’t he be good at pretending at least?

everything about him was obvious; his thin nose, soft jaw, the way his waist dipped in... his hips, arms, eyelashes, hands... EVERYTHING. everyone knew what he was; some dirty girl too insecure in his skin that he has to pretend to be some excuse of a man to cope.

dave held himself tighter before putting his shades back on, and responding to the influx of pesterchum messages he had gotten in however long he had been freaking out. minutes? hours? he didn’t know. it didn’t really matter either way; it’s not like anyone would have noticed how long he was gone, anyways.

turntechGodhead [TG] begun pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 6:57.


End file.
